Pressure is like slow-rising Bread

By Marley Schwarz '22

Growth by Anna Lerner '20

Thanks to my dad, I kick butt at skiing. Well, let me rephrase that. Thanks to my dad, I kick butt at ski racing. Thanks to my dad, I am no longer scared of -40o weather, will be able to live a sustainable lifestyle off of microwaveable foods, and will forever be able to beat my friends down any slopes.

While my dad has always been an inspiration to me, he’s also been the biggest cause of pressure in my races. He often loves to joke that he has been training me to love it from day one, but in reality he has been training me as though loving it is the only option. My younger sister, Maren, races as well, but she never gained the affinity for it that I have. My dad saw this coming from an early age, and because of that, has seemed to focus all of his attention on my success instead of hers. People could say that I became his automatic apprentice. While he is not my coach, he isn’t exactly inexperienced. Not only did he race in college, he founded the Duke University Ski Racing Team. If that’s not something to live up to, I don’t know what is. That in it of itself adds a whole layer of pressure, knowing that he understands everything about the sport already, therefore knowing my exact mistakes and all of my technical flaws. On top of all of this, he loves to time my races. The involvement with timing allows him to be on the hill with me, but more importantly, to be able to see exactly how I placed immediately when I finished my race. When he is not in the timing shack, he is usually on the literal side of the hill “gate-judging”, which is the role of standing next to a certain gate on the course to watch the races and make sure that the racers do not miss a gate, disqualify, or to be there if they get hurt. This allows him to literally be on-course with me to see my race up close and personal. Needless to say, he is always there to critique my runs and the ambition that comes with sports is fueled by the desire to “make him proud” for the sport that he invested so much money and time into for me.

However, after years of racing, I realized that instead of being my biggest source of pressure, he has always been my biggest supporter. Since day one (almost literally), he has been there by my side every step of the way. He even had me out on the slopes between his knees when I was not even one year old. It is no exaggeration to say that I could ski before I could walk. Even now, he is routinely making sure that all of my equipment is up to date and compliant with the newest rules in the FIS league. He makes sure that everything is in great condition before a race, even if that means staying up for hours hand-waxing my skis to make them even the tiniest bit faster on the course. He wakes up every morning on the weekends to drive me to practice at 5:30 am in the cold and will bring me those small Kraft mac & cheese bowls in between runs so that I can eat it on the lift ride back up the mountain. Since my team is 3 hours away in West Virginia, most of my races are up to 6 hours away. He is always willing to drive me, even if we are getting there at 1 am, just so that I have the opportunity to try to improve my time or make the champ team. I cannot begin to describe how much sacrifice he makes for my racing and the time that he gives up to be a part of this. He is such a busy man, that taking whole weekends every weekend in the winter to be a part of this aspect of my life is hugely difficult, and I owe him the world.

Not only do I have the burden from my dad, I also have immense pressure from my teammates to compete with other male racers in the league. There is a complete lack of gender equality in the FIS racing league due to the flaws in the timing system. In a given race, there is what is called a handicap. Handicaps are changes that are made to your time in order to attempt to equalize the ranking field for the benefit of the racers. However, the handicap is applied by age, which makes it an unfair advantage to racers who are younger and faster than those who are older and slower. However for the championship team, there is a single cutoff time which applies to both genders. Therefore, the champ team is made up of the top eight times, regardless of gender. At the level I am at, this causes me to be required to compete with guys my age, which is a huge disadvantage, and also a huge source of pressure as well. When I was 11, I was in a race in which I had a huge wipeout. As it turns out, I ended up badly injuring my knee, but in the moment I simply had the intention of continuing my race to the end. I knew I had been automatically disqualified because I had fallen and missed a gate, but I finished the race with the intensity as if I had never fallen to begin with. Even though I had been disqualified and was in horrible amounts of pain, I needed to give my team a reason to not look down on me. I had to prove to myself and to them that girls are capable of unimaginable grit and respect in a sport where we are constantly getting put down by better guys. Even though I did not make any sort of qualifying time, I qualified for the respect of my team, but more importantly I qualified for the respect of my father for the first time.

Pressure is like slow-rising bread. It doesn’t seem like anything is happening at first, but as more and more pressure is added, the bread keeps rising until eventually it overbakes and bursts. Over the years I’ve learned that pressure, while stressful, is constructive and forces you to rise to the occasion and be better. I learned to become the most resilient, strongest, most confident version of myself and I believe I am a better person because of it. I will not let the pressure I feel from others influence the way I see myself, but to use it as motivation to do the best I can in every race. I will not let myself be scared by my father, but use my skill to make him proud. I will not be afraid to throw caution to the wind because I am a girl. I will race my heart out and willingly give the course everything I have, using the pressure I’ve been given to bake myself into the tastiest bread roll I can be.